Zombie Rock

Because The Living Dead Have Feelings Too

My Heart Is Sore
My cousin Michael passed away this afternoon at the age of fourteen.

Two years ago he had been diagnosed with a brain tumor. Everyone--the family, the doctors--chose to hope that he could be made well enough to live a good and fruitful life. Mike himself never let go of the hope that some miracle could happen that would correct his worsening condition.

He went into the hospital in early 2007. At that point, everything that could be thought of to do for him was tried, and failed. Mike gradually lost consciousness. The fateful day came when the medical team decided there was simply nothing more that could be done, and that Mike had a maximum of two unresponsive months left. In June, his parents decided to discharge him from the hospital so that he might die peacefully at home.

I guess I'm like everyone else in that I couldn't let go of hope. Just yesterday another cousin and I were talking about how something could always happen to change Mike's condition. Not this time.

Of course we're all glad that he really never suffered (or as far as we can know). But to think that Mike will never get the chance to discover his own potential aches in mind, body, and spirit.

If you could, please spare a prayer for Mike. He was a great kid and only just getting the hang of who he was and where he wanted to go.

Hucking Filarious
My sister's birthday is coming up in September.  Okay.  So we decided to take care of her presents (or some of them) early.  What did I do?  I took digital pictures of her cat Apple Janice and turned them into needful things through Cafe Press.  They came today, in plenty of time.  So I'm looking through and I'm happy with how everything turned out--and then I get to the t-shirt.  I ordered a black shirt with an image of Apple lounging in front of the betta vase.  But I got a red shirt advertising Bryce Canyon Utah!  Somebody slipped.  I literally buckled to floor laughing until I cried.  Honestly I should start keeping a defibrillator in my office.

Oh...and do check this out...

The Men of Mortuaries Calendar

Just A Box Of Candied Gooeyducks
Today is rain.  I don't like the rain because the rain means pain.

Nothing much to share, just some links I'm enjoying...

International Order of Horror Professionals
So I'm crazy, but I'm not crazy and alone.

Darkness Embraced

Horror Writers Association
Between horror writers and morticians, I must know the funniest people on the planet.

Vampiric People

Star Blazers
If you loved it back when, you can love it again!  My man Tim Eldred has created a multi-chapter graphic saga called "Rebirth" available online.

Nova Roma
Skip this if you hate Latin or if you have no interest in Roman culture.

The Vampire's Closet
Heh!  My little shop where I'm forever adding new things.

Historical Fiction
I love history.  I love fiction.  Can't imagine why I'd come here.

I really like the Four Word Film Review and I've been trying it with this summer's crapbusters.  A nice part about my work is that I still get to watch crappy movies, but I don't have to pay to watch them.

Shrek the Third - Not For Rational Adults
Spiderman 3 - Superman Three Over Again
Pirates/World's End - At My Wits' End
Fantastic 4 - What Was The Point?
Die Hard - Please Just Die Already
The Simpsons - Work Of Pure Genius
Ratatouille - Watch Out For Peppercorns
Underdog - What's Not To Like?
Harry Potter - Let Harry Meet Leatherface
License to Wed - Awful Bad Rotten Stinks
Hairspray - Seen It All Before

The Maidenfear Vampire Manifesto
Allow me to put this information where it belongs--in my own journal.  It's spread around the web, I realize, and that's great.  After all, that was the goal of putting it online in the first place.  But this manifesto, this sharing of the ideas of the real vampires of the Order of Maidenfear, is in my keeping and in my care (according to the last testament of founder Anne de Molay, who passed "ownership" on to me).  Thus I believe it should be here as well as in all of the other spots it may be found in part or in full.


Here for public viewing is the Maidenfear Vampire Manifesto, the essential document of the Order of Maidenfear.  The Order began in Philadelphia, USA in 1966, and today is a network of more than fifty vampire houses in North America, South America, and Europe.  Our two efforts called the Order of Maidenfear Online and the Vampire Philosophes, are aimed at vampires in cyberspace who may identify with what we're about but are unable or unwilling to join a house.

This is also here for the convenience of online Maidenfear members who might wish to consult what is essentially the heart and soul of the Order.

You may contact the Order via e-mail from vampire@stonebench.us .

Compiled by Sappho Wolf and Phobos Knight
Maidenfear Press
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania


Maidenfear...perhaps it sounds a bit frightening and yet somehow alluring at the same time. It is an idea that captures--at least in part--the essence of that which is vampire. "Maidenfear" is a literary device meant to convey the nerves of a new virgin bride going to the marriage bed for the first time...or really the giddy anxiety of anybody about to taste love for the first time. This Order  was so named after this romantic idea of mixing pleasure with fear of the unknown.

The Order of Maidenfear is a free community for a free breed. We exist to support and promote the vampire community in its entirety--independents, houses, covens, orders, and any other form we may take. Our goal is to exist in friendly cooperation with other vampires and to make enemies of none. As for the vampires that make up our Order, no one has a true allegiance to anyone or anything but themselves. This is the heart of the Order of Maidenfear.

What is a vampire?

There exists an entity of living energy all around us and in the universe. This energy is both alive itself and imbues all things with life of one degree or another. A vampire is an adept at energy play, an adept at tapping into this living energy for self-benefit. For some this is achieved through drinking blood, for others it is a matter of psychic living energy. A vampire knows how to take what energy they want and need and use it for their own purposes.

Over the years the vampires of the Order of Maidenfear have discovered nine kinds of vampirism--sanguinarianism, lifeforce, astral, elemental, erotic, thanatropic, chaotic, psychic and electric--which overlap and compliment each other into a larger vampiric practice. Vampirism is the practice of one, or all of these devices, or of something entirely different, in order to make a circuit between ourselves and the object of energy, be it a donor or the living force of a wind gust.

You have journeyed and come upon this Order founded in the practice of Pranic Vampirism. What is pranic? The word comes from the Sanskrit prana, meaning lifeforce. The pranic vampire is a creature who absorbs the energies of the living world--a creature of energy play. Blood is most often associated with vampires, and is of course a strong source of prana. But there are other ways of being a pranic vampire too, methods that involve the mind and mental ability.

We of Maidenfear do not claim to have the only true vampire way. In fact we are not a rigid method at all, but rather a sanctuary for all vampiric thought. The secrets you find here will be secrets hidden within yourself. We do not claim exclusivity to the term "pranic". Vampires are a free breed, and the Order of Maidenfear supports this independence by offering a gentle shelter for those of a like mind.

Read the text offered here at your leisure. Generation teaches generation the discoveries of generations past. We believe that if you have come here, you have an inner drive and a reason to be here, and who are we to deny you that?

Again, welcome to Maidenfear. May you walk in the balance.

The Origins of Maidenfear

In 2006 we celebrated the fortieth anniversary of the Order of Maidenfear in an event we called The Year of the Vampire.

If it seems difficult to be a vampire in this day and age, imagine how things were for our founder, Anne de Molay (1930-2002). She claimed descent from the infamous last Grand Master of the Knights Templar, Jacques de Molay, and all documentation supports her claim that Anne de Molay was in fact her birth name.

In an era of horror film schlock, Anne investigated the archetype of the vampire and came to the conclusion that vampirism was a very real interaction with life energy that could benefit the practitioner. Having shared her vision, Anne was able to form a group of like minds and established the Order of Maidenfear in 1966.

Why "Maidenfear"? Why use a word with no obvious associations with vampirism to communicate the Order's existence to the world? Anne wrote, "I came upon this term, and for some reason it struck me deep, it resonated within me. What a perfect concept, the nervous excitement of fear and desire captured in a single word. For me, this word was so replete with energy itself that I could see nothing else but to apply it in my own form of vampirism."

In 1970, Anne inherited a generous amount of money after the passing of her father. She was about to turn 40, she was a history teacher, she had decided against having a family, and her one absorbing passion was the Order of Maidenfear. Anne invested in the future of her Order by buying a large Victorian house in Philadelphia, the building that became House Maidenfear. Dedicated to Anne's vision of the vampiric life, vampires from the city and the Eastern seaboard came to live in House Maidenfear.

In council on the Summer Solstice of 1970, the Maidenfear vampires wrote and approved the Maidenfear Entente, a document which would be the constitution of Order operations. Additionally, a special shrine to the universal guiding force, called Raven, opened within the house. For the next twenty years, House Maidenfear and the Order operated in relative obscurity. After all, this was not a philosophy that everyone was ready to hear. Like minds found and joined the order.

Anne de Molay was the first Grand Master and remained in that position until 1987. Between 1988 and 1991, The Creed of the Kindred, The Call of Raven, The Line of Lilith, and The Pandect became important parts of Maidenfear wisdom.

What Is Pranic Vampirism?

Welcome to Maidenfear, celebrating the pranic path of vampirism. Before you go any further, you should understand a few things about pranism, vampirism, and especially pranic vampirism.

Let us look at what we mean by "vampire". We're not talking about ghouls, revenants, or other creatures from folklore. We're not talking about immortals walking around preying on the innocent. To us, a vampire is an individual who understands and indulges in energy play and exchange.

In this context, we borrowed "pranic" from the Sanskrit prana, which is essentially life energy. Pranic vampires feed on and share this energy. We believe prana is generated by all things and we have nine specific methods of gathering prana:

Sanguinarianism - the sharing of blood, the physical life force

Lifeforce - this is what is generated by all living things

Astral - involving the moving of the astral self into the astral plane to absorb prana

Elemental - this is the prana generated by the natural world, such as the spinning of the earth, storms, tides and turn of seasons

Erotic - the prana raised through sexual intercourse and sex play

Thanatropic - even in the transition of death there is energy

Chaotic - the friction of discord creates incredible energy

Psychic - prana raised by thoughts and psychological workings

Electric - it may sound crazy, but our machines raise energy that we too can tap into if we want

No one is going to teach you a rote form of pranic vampirism. You must learn it through your own experiences. But Maidenfear is here to help and support you.

Learn what you can from what is offered here. Choose what does and does not suit you.

You will not be made an immortal.

You will not grow overlarge canine teeth (fangs).

You do not need to sleep in a coffin (unless you want to).

You’re not going to suddenly possess any kind of super powers, unless you count the ability to play with energy which in and of itself might be considered a super power.

You’re not going to be immune from disease, although you may find yourself becoming a stronger person physically as well as mentally.

Walking in the steps of the vampire is not going to give you instant sex appeal or improve your social status. These are things mostly empowered by personality.

You will most likely feel more in control of yourself and your surroundings.

You may experience a dramatic increase in confidence.

You may come to understand how thought becomes deed in very real terms.

As vampires go, we are very much real. Hold this thought fast to your heart, because doubtless you will encounter cynics and scoffers. They don't matter. You know the truth.

The Maidenfear Entente

I. Here on this day of the Summer Solstice 1970 CE do we declare our union as the Order of Maidenfear and establish the existence of House Maidenfear. This is the coming to fruition of an idea that has been growing and expanding for these past four years.

II. It shall be noted that we have come together as vampires and have adopted the term "vampire" for our use. In our practice, a vampire is someone that seeks to tap into the living energy found in all things and throughout the universe. In common belief, vampires get this energy in blood. While we do recognize this method, we prefer to feed by means of the mind.

III. The Order of Maidenfear will espouse and teach a kind of vampirism that transcends planes and dimensions. The major purpose of being a vampire is heightened awareness and attunement with all things. People who come to Maidenfear with an interest in our ways will most likely have already experienced an intensity of sensation strong enough to make them understand that they are not quite part of the status quo.

IV. Maidenfear vampires should be people of integrity and tolerance. They should take joy in learning and try to learn new things as often as possible. They must be able to view the term "vampire" as a term in transition, as something that may be bogged down in legend yet still free for new applications. We are not an Order to involve ourselves with gossip or verbal venom. We choose to exist as part of the vampires of the world. We choose alliances, not arguments. We choose concord, not discord. It is in this way that we keep the living energy strong and accessible.

V. The Order of Maidenfear is founded in the memory of Jacques de Molay, who was the last Grand Master of the Knights Templar. We believe that early in his life he taught the precepts of Maidenfear vampirism to students he called his corbeaux, or ravens. Eventually when de Molay was sentenced to die at the stake in 1314, he put a curse on the powerful men who had put him there. It was said that ravens flew out from the fire. This is why we also call ourselves Ravenkin.

VI. The Order of Maidenfear is a community of the spirit, but not a kind of religion. Our objective as vampires is to attain Pranic Crystallization, or that point of intersection between the individual and the living energy of prana. This is done through methods that involve transcending the physical body and the alteration of consciousness. To this degree, Maidenfear is a shamanic order comprised of vampires at all levels of achievement. We acknowledge Raven as the spiritual archetype of our Order as well as the cultural lineages of Lilith and Pazuzu.

VII. We are a free community for a free breed. Even as we are an Order, we affirm that the locus of power is the individual. The only true allegiance a vampire of our Order has is to her/himself.

VIII. Embrace the Pandect as a guide for interaction both within the Order and in the outside world. Its purpose is to make relations simpler and civilized, as opposed to telling you or anyone else how to conduct yourself with a formal and rigid intention.

IX. Our arms are open to you, whether you are of vampire kind, a friend of the community, or simply curious about this strange idea of true and real vampirism. Understanding is achieved through education and the sharing of information. Secrets may keep us strong, but secrets can also weaken us. In the Order of Maidenfear, we walk forward as vampires secure in the knowledge we have discovered. As the moment of vampiric epiphany is something that occurs differently for each of us, the knowledge we can share divulges nothing. Instead, it may bring the vampire within to the surface.

This is the Maidenfear Entente.

Curse 1314

And so it was that after agonizing months of torture at the hands of the Robber King and after watching one Brother after another be led to the flames, Jacques de Molay came to understand that he could do nothing less than recant his own confession that sent him to prison for the rest of his earthly life. Jacques de Molay rose up and proclaimed the innocence of the Templars. At this, the Robber King abandoned his mercy and ordered that Jacques de Molay be burned alive before all who would witness the spectacle.

Yet no flame could be hot enough to silence Jacques de Molay, and he proclaimed the innocence of his Order and himself. From the pyre he shook his fist and then, in a loud voice, spoke his last words, a curse. "I summon Philip, called King of France, and the weak Pope Clementus to appear with me before God in final judgment. Within one year, we shall all three be departed this world."

His head fell forward and his body slumped, and Jacques de Molay surrendered himself unto his God.

In that same year of 1314, the King of France and Clementus, the fifth of that name, fell in the sweep of Death's blade. The curse Jacques de Molay had proclaimed came to pass.

The Pandect

The Pandect is basically the set of rules for House Maidenfear. In reality, these are just suggestions and guidelines for living. No one is held fast to these rules, although behavior within a certain ethical paradigm is encouraged. These may not be hard and fast rules, but they are wise rules.

1)Do nothing unto another without explicit consent.

2)Respect and be respected.

3)Embrace the Creed of the Kindred and the Call of Raven.

4)Acknowledge the Line of Lilith and the Line of Pazuzu.

5)Disavow the vampire of myth, folklore, fiction, and media. These representations are not who we are.

6)Accept that vampirism is both a power and a responsibility.

7)Understand the critical importance of the mental and spiritual energy play, and strive to enhance your skills in this area.

8)Do not participate in any acts that could be considered illegal or criminal. House Maidenfear will not protect those who break secular law.

9)Hold to these simple rules, but never force your conscience upon another.

The Line of Lilith

House Maidenfear isn't about forcing myth upon anyone, but we do have our various legends that have been passed from generation to generation. The Line of Lilith is such a legend.

Many vampires look back to Lilith as the Great Mother. Depending on what perspective was behind what you read, Lilith's role and nature changes. Essentially she is considered to have been the first woman, the woman who taught Adam the ropes (and the chains and the whips too). Unfortunately, Lilith was a little too headstrong and way too independent to please Adam. At this point Lilith is demonized and the goddess she may once have been recedes into the background.

Well, we like Lilith, and the vampires of House Maidenfear have always honored her through the Line of Lilith, which connects our contemporary Raven with other goddesses back through time and cultures to Lilith.

LILITH was the primordial vampire goddess.

Through Her came the goddess

TIAMAT, and through her came the goddess

KALI, and through her came the goddess

HECATE, and through her came the goddess

HELA, and through her came the goddess

MACHA, and it was through her that the goddess of this age

RAVEN came to us.

The Line of Pazuzu

The Order of Maidenfear isn't about forcing myth upon anyone, but we do have our various legends that have been passed from generation to generation. The Line of Pazuzu is such a legend.

Many Maidenfear vampires look back to Lilith as the Great Mother and Pazuzu as the Great Father. Depending on what perspective is behind what you read, Pazuzu's role and nature changes. Essentially he is considered to be something more than a demon. After Adam realizes that Lilith is too much for him and casts her aside, she becomes the consort of Pazuzu.

Well, we like Pazuzu, and the Maidenfear vampires have always honored him through the Line of Pazuzu, which connects our contemporary Raven with other goddesses and gods back through time and cultures to Lilith and Pazuzu.

PAZUZU was the primordial vampire god.

Through him came the god

SET, and through him came the god

SIVA, and through him came the god

TYPHON, and through him came the god

LOKI, and through him came the god

TARANIS, and it was through him that the goddess/god of this age

RAVEN came to us.

The Creed of the Kindred

I am vampire.

I kneel before no other creature. I am an intelligent animal who has retained my animal intelligence.

This flesh of mine is a gift in which I revel passion and ecstasy, but my lot in the convoluted universal matrix is to exist as a creature of energy. I thrive on the energy of the cosmos around me. That energy exists in many forms. It exists in lifeblood, in psychic forces, in the angry hurling of lightning bolts from cloud to cloud.

This diversity manifests on the earth in the many different and legitimate breeds of vampire which share the world with mortal humans. Knowing my lineage, I seek to mate my personal energy with that of magic and nature as a vital part of my existence. Pounding surf, rustling crisp leaves, magical ritual-all of these empower me, and I take what is offered or what I have made for myself.

As a vampire, I am a natural being part of the natural universe. I am not confined to this plane or this dimension. I am a cosmic being of fluctuating energy. The matter that makes my flesh and flows through my body drifted down from the stars over millennia. My sight and my vision are necessarily wider and broader. Life, death, what are these to me? They dance as close as hungry lovers. This is no two-sided mortal coin but one great continuum.

The impetus of eternity, then, is the power of the vampire. It is my power, and I claim that power for myself.

The Call of Raven

Raven is what we call the deity head. She represents the total power of the universe and is the modern daughter of the Line of Lilith. Her children are the vampires. As House Maidenfear is not in the business of dictating dogma and doctrine, you are free to make as much or as little of Raven as suits you. Raven is a goddess not so much as a feminist statement as She fills the role of Mother. Additionally, women, as the carriers of life, are well acquainted with both blood and lifeforce. In short, no slight to men is intended.

Sons and Daughters of our Great Creatrix, hearken to Me.

I am a creature of the night, an angel of the shadows. Perhaps like you, I have taken my sip of the Graal of Eternity from Her appointed chalice. How I came to be here I do not know, but I know I was guided here to find My kin and kindred among you.

You need have no fear of the outside from Me, yet you know so well as I that the outside slams on the door, caves in the walls upon us. In this, by numbers we will find strength. Reach out to Me, and I shall take your hands. Look to the West and raise your sword, be it of thought or metal. Call Me away from my abode upon Saturn or from within the Womb of Time.

Children, you are no less than I, nor than She. You are vampire, you are the energy of the universe alive upon the earth. Death, Fate, and Chaos shall favor you always in My name. By Raven, the vampire has naught to fear.

Coming Among Us

We're a free society for a free breed.

That being the case, the idea of formal membership into the Order of Maidenfear seems a little silly. You're affiliated with Maidenfear by your own choice and your own acceptance. You don't need to belong to an order, a house, a coven, or any kind of group to be a true vampire, and we recognize that. If you'd still like a kind of freelance participation, the Order of Maidenfear welcomes you.

Nice, but what do we have to offer folks who would prefer a more formal induction into the Order? We understand that people may value this kind of membership, and so we would like to extend the possibility to those of you who may be seeking a tighter kind of belonging. Hey, it's all right. We all need different things.

Maidenfear membership is open to the vampire community online. The position of Scion has been made for vampires who like our ideas and philosophy and need to participate from a distance. Please note that the Scion is in no way inferior to other Maidenfear positions.

But why join the Order of Maidenfear?

1) In joining us, you remain an individual. You are one vampire whole unto yourself who is part of a group without the group dictating your identity.

2) You can participate in some of the most progressive research projects in the vampire community.

3) You can create and propose your own theories and philosophies of vampirism which will become part of a greater body of vampire wisdom.

4) You will never need to worry whether you have done something wrong, as accidents are expected and any path explored is a contribution to wisdom.

5) No one will exalt themselves above you, nor will you ever need to feel inferior.

6) You will never be asked to do anything with which you feel uncomfortable.


Of course, you can have all this as an independent as well. Maidenfear offers a collective of like minds with a direction and a purpose. Ultimately, what we're saying is that whether you formally join or occasionally contribute, we respect you as a vampire and value your participation.

Vampire Philosophes at  is currently up and active, as is its affiliated site, Chronicles of a Vampire Philosophe .

Really...I Was Serious...
Well, here I am again.  Obviously, I suck at maintaining any kind of current record of myself.  No, that's not true.  I had a lively blog going at Yahoo 360 until I stopped posting this past Memorial Day in protest of the war.  So that blog will stay frozen while I try and use this one to my advantage.  After all, I have seven years of history here in bits and pieces.

My current user picture is my favorite--me and my dog Max.  He's about three years old now, but I adopted him from PACCA when he was a puppy (and actually smaller, believe it or not).  Max is part Akita and part polar bear.

Here's some random stuff of the moment.  The first is a profile based on Elle Magazine.

If you could come back as a dress, which one would it be?

I’d pick one of those classic little black numbers from Givenchy.

What is your favorite color?

Purple, violet, amethyst…you get the picture.

What is your favorite junk food?

Kettle chips.

What are you most vain about?

Nothing.  I’m not vain even where I should be.

What are you most shy about?

Everything.  How’s everything for an answer?

If you could have somebody else’s body, whose would it be?

Do you mean I would exist in said body or that the body would be mine to play with as I please?

If you could have somebody else’s breasts, whose would they be?


Who are your fantasy dinner party guests?

There are so many.  But assuming I am the hostess of a dinner party for twelve, I would select Coco Chanel, Charlemagne, Eleanor Roosevelt, Richard Feynman (physicist), Mary Robinson (former president of Ireland), Kurt Vonnegut, Sally Ride, John Young (also an accomplished astronaut), Zsuszanna Budapest (womens’ rights activist), His Holliness the Dalai Lama, Gloria Steinem, and Carl Sagan.

Where is your favorite place to have a drink?

I love this little authentic coffeehouse on Penn campus.

Whose wallet would you like to steal?

I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.

Whose diary would you most like to read?

Hilary Rodham Clinton’s.

What’s your least favorite food?

Anything tomato can get kicked right to the curb.

If you were an inventor, what would you invent?

I’d invent something that would do all of my dressing and grooming for me.  I feel like I’m on automatic pilot anyway.

What is your favorite car?

I like the car that gets me where I’m going safely.

When and where are you happiest?

I’m happiest in those wonderful moments at night when I’m relaxing in a scented bath with the day behind me and the comfort of sleep awaiting me.

What or who is your worst enemy?

I am my own worst enemy along with my evil sidekick Doubt.

What piece of art would you most like to own?

“Mary Magdalene” by Gustav Adolf Mossa.

Where is your favorite vacation spot?

Quebec City, Canada

What is your most treasured possession?

I have the fang of a rattlesnake my shaman mentor gave to me as a rite of passage.

Who is your favorite fictional character?

Holden Caufield.

If you weren’t a writer, what would you be?

A mortician, an aerialist, a lawyer…who knows?

What current trend would you like to see disappear?

I want to see anything extolling extreme thinness as some kind of virtue disappear.


Always remember things can always get worse.


Never doubt that things can get better.

Until later...

Why Quit Now?
Seriously, there's a lot of history in this journal. That's priceless.

Well, I don't feel too chatty. I just had my first book, The World in Your Cup, released to a bookstore near you. Now I'm at work at Book #2 with 3, 4, and 5 waiting in the wings. It's the realization of my greatest dream, so how can I complain?

Max is doing well, charging all over the place as my constant companion. He's here at my feet sleeping as I type.

I'm learning Bulgarian. Don't ask.

Better to be undead than never to have lived at all!
I was going to create a new community for vampiric types, and then I discovered hey, I already have one! Now I suppose the effort is to get things active here again. Bring it on.

Let me post a few things.

The Real Vampire--A Theory
More and more people are coming to identify with the vampire, creature of myth and lore, and vampirism as a lifestyle. In fact, this identification is so strong that many people think of themselves as vampires. Thanks to enlightened writers like Bram Stoker and Anne Rice, the vampire is no longer the blood-sucking monster of the living dead. Vampires think and feel much like normal human beings.

But vampires are not normal human beings, and they’re not immortal ghouls. This is an attempt to explain how vampires can be real and what it is about them that makes them vampires.

Real vampires share one thing in common—loss. At some point in the life of a real vampire, something, someone, or some aspect of life was suddenly taken away, leaving a gaping void in the vampire’s being. This traumatic experience could really be anything. That it was great enough to leave essentially a great emptiness can only be determined and judged by the individual vampire. After all, who else has felt it and experienced it first hand?

Once the loss has happened, what was lost is gradually replaced by a fierce longing. The vampire may not even be consciously aware of this longing. It’s the greater self seeking healing and repair. Longing is not a cure but an impetus. Tendrils of longing slowly stretch out into the mind, eventually breaking through to alert thoughts.

By no means does every person who has suffered a loss embrace vampirism. However, stripped of the gaudy baubles of folklore, the vampire is a kindred spirit. The vampire is compelled by longing, by hunger, and assuages them through “feeding”. From a psychological point of view, the vampire hungers for prana, or life energy, through either sanguinarian or psychic means. Therefore, the real vampire seeks to soothe longing through the attainment of extra and excess prana from other beings and from the encompassing universe.

Okat, it's a start.

I'm looking forward to dinner...
...for the first time in three months. Hey, I gave the vegetarian thing a good try. But it's nuts. I mean, I believe all things are one thing anyway. And besides, vegetables were alive at one point. But my big motivator is the monthly bastard. Since I went vegetarian, my periods were absolute hell. Well, I'd be an idiot not to make a connection. Tonight, I'm back. I'm an omnivore, damn it, and I'm going to chow like one. Hopla!

The Subject Was The Westgate
I meant to post this before, but better late than ever...er...never.

I don't know where to begin telling how important Leilah Wendell has been in my life. As a writer she has brought the spirituality and the love of the Death Entity she knows as Azrael to many of us. Guided by her words we have enhanced our lives, we have learned to live without fear. It's a gift unmatched.

As a result of Hurricane Katrina, the Westgate museum and art gallery, affectionately known as the House of Death and the abode of Leilah herself, has been ruined. There is an effort to take up a collection so that the Westagate (and Leilah and her collaborator Dan Kemp)can find a new home, like so much of the heart of New Orleans. If you're reading this and you're interested, please check out this link.

Westgate Relief

Don't think I'm ignoring the plight of other victims. I'm not. This just happens to be the point at which the disaster and I intersect on a personal level.

I'm hoping Rita doesn't make it all worse...

If It's September, I Must Be Back
...but how long will I stay this time? You'll know when I know.

I noticed I added a journal entry in September, 2003. My next entry is from September, 2004. Now it's September, 2005, so I suppose I'm following my own trend.

Let me introduce you to my best friend, Maxfield Parrish ("Max"). He's a dog.

I think it was Charles de Gaulle who first said that the more people he met, the more he liked his dog. That's true. Whatever has happened in my relationships of the past, I'm not getting entangled again until I'm finally somewhat sure of what I want and need.

Anyway, I'd like to present this get-to-know-you quiz I got from the Les Vampires Yahoo group.

1. Queen Mousehead
2. KodaiChin
3. Apocalypse Girl

1. Hair
2. Eyes
3. Complexion

1. Toes
2. Shoulders
3. Nose

1. Irish
2. Breton
3. French

1. The government
2. Skin disorders
3. Failure

1. Aspirin
2. Music
3. Laughter

1. Slinky black satin bathrobe
2. Goofy cotton rainbow nightshirt
3. Crescent moon necklace

1. Eyes
2. Chest/torso
3. Hands

1. Gardening
2. Playing with my dog
3. Reading

1. Sleep
2. Drink a latte
3. Take a little vacation

1. Mortician
2. Aerialist
3. Forensic anthropologist

1. Nine Inch Nails
2. Electric Hellfire Club
3. Brujeria

1. Three Days - Jane's Addiction
2. Riverhead - Prick
3. Redeemer - Marilyn Manson

1. Compassion
2. Trust
3. Laughter

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I can't live without sex.
2. I really enjoy sleeping in coffins.
3. I found myself in the Paris catacombs.

1. Quebec
2. Belize
3. Turkey

1. Catherine
2. Matthew
3. Alexander

1. Cross the Darien Gap on foot
2. Visit the Forbidden City in Beijing
3. Go into outer space

1. I'm really lax and laid-back as far as style.
2. I'm physically strong.
3. I love working with tools.

1. I keep my skin soft.
2. I like to wear nice fragrances.
3. There's no hiding what's in the balcony.

1. Stuart Townsend
2. Brandon Lee (rest in peace)
3. Keanu Reeves

1. My younger sister
2. George W. Bush
3. Poppy Z. Brite

And so it goes...


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